We Need to Talk

It seems like we spend a lot of time talking about how to make relationships work, but we don’t talk about how to end a relationship. Most people have many boy/girlfriends throughout their teen and young adult years. Obviously not all of these relationships are going to work out. So, at some point, someone has to initiate the breakup.

When it’s time to end a relationship it can be hard to figure out how to do it. No one wants to hear the words “we need to talk” but when you break up with someone that’s exactly what you need to do, talk. It’s tough when you are the one starting the conversation, but you can’t just ignore the other person and hope they go away. Here are some things to keep in mind when you breakup.

• Stay calm! If you are upset the other is more likely to get upset.
• Have an in person face to face conversation. Using technology to break-up is chicken and not fair to the other person. (If they live in a different geographical location talk to them on the phone or use Skype)
• Be honest and kind. Tell the other person how YOU are feeling (think about this in advance). Don’t bring up every little bad thing that happened.
• Listen to the other person’s point of view – you don’t have to change your mind but we all want to be heard.
• Have a set amount of time for the breakup conversation. Don’t try to get through it in 10 minutes, but don’t let it last all night.
• Don’t give them false hope that you might get back together. You both need to move on with your lives.
• Take responsibly for your actions (before, during and after) even if the other person did something to cause the break-up don’t trash them to other people or on social media.
• Take care of yourself! Breaking-up with someone hurts – spend time doing things you enjoy.

Breaking up will always be hard to do. However, if you handle a breakup in a mature way you can hopefully avoid a messy aftermath! Here are a couple websites that have some great information about break-ups and teen relationships.

Boston Public Health Commission, Start Strong Initiative

Love is Respect

Have you had a bad break-up? What would have made it easier?